Supreme Court Rules EPA can Regulate Farting, Belching, Breathing

In a landmark decision, the Supreme Court has decided that the US Environmental Protection Agency can and must regulate dreaded greenhouse gases:

The US Supreme Court ruled Monday that the Environmental Protection Agency must consider greenhouse gases as pollutants, in a blow to the White House. “Because greenhouse gases fit well within the Clean Air Act’s capacious definition of ‘air pollutant’ we hold that EPA has the statutory authority to regulate the emission of such gases from new motor vehicles,” the court ruled.

Led by Massachusetts, a dozen states along with several US cities and environmental groups went to the courts to determine whether the agency had the authority to regulate greenhouse gases such as carbon dioxide emissions.

You might not think that’s such a bad idea, however you really need to reconsider. Greenhouse gases covers a lot of area, including bodily functions. Every time you exhale, lo and behold, out comes the Dreaded CO2! OMIGOSH!

cartman-fart.jpgWas that a fart I heard? Methane — yet another dreaded Greenhouse Gas… we are surely doomed!

This is upsetting my stomach, I really need to belch… ut oh… more Greenhouse gas!!

I better make some tea to settle my stomach… let me put some water on… omigosh! Water Vapor’s another GREENHOUSE GAS! Oh Crap, what on earth are we going to do?

We better go plant some trees before the EPA starts beating down our door or the Goracle comes by to sell us carbon offsets…